Rocky Realtor's First Day At Work
Alright you jabronis and little grasshoppers... Now if you are reading this brilliant piece of art (What? If Shelton & Charlie are World's Greatest Tag Team why can't I proclaim this so?) you are doing so either because I have virtually forced you to read it by shoving my blog's link down your throat or you are "Life Deficient" who has nothing to do all day but scan people's blogs and see what they are up to... Anyways whatever the case may be let me tell you before hand, you ain't gonna find any gyaan in this post or an another poem written by me or whatever. Its about my first day at work. Now hold on my little junkie munkie before you ask me whats so exciting about going to work. I wouldn't be writing this otherwise, right? Here goes...
Unless you have been living under a rock or zonked into some parallel universe you must know by now that yours truly has finished his MBA and today I started working with dad learning his real estate business. He told me last night that today early morning we are to leave for Mahudi and like a baboon in a banana field I was up and jumping at 6.30. We were supposed to leave at 7 with this guy who was gonna show us some property dad is probably interested in buying and I had no intentions of being late on the first day at work. Anyways this ass clown decides to come by at 8.30, me counting all the while how much more I could have slept considering the fact that I slept at around 4 in the morning.
So my first day at work begin with some serious kick ass tyt shyt offroading... Yes!!! Don't scroll up and down and don't think that you are reading some other post because even I was surprised. Now I knew that the property was a little outside Ahmedabad in some nonchalant village but when dad specifically told me yesterday "Take out the Safari" I had no idea what he meant but I am so glad that I did. As soon as we turned in from the main road it was mayhem. Not only were there no roads but there was sand over. Hell I was driving in a freaking river basin with hillocks up and down. Believe me, for a minute I flashed back to my Dubai Desert Safari the way the poor SUV was sliding all over the place. Anyways finally the dude who joined us told me to stop literally in the middle of nowhere and park under a tree who itself didn't have any freaking idea what it was doing there standing all alone.
There was an empty expanse of land and I was like okay that's it but no Mr. "I am too sexy for my goggles" had some other idea. He decided okay Rocky boy let me welcome you to the business world with a little trek of our own and we begin walking up a hill with a winding trail reminding me of a Louis Lamor book I had read long back. Now being in the top physical shape that I am (Yeah yeah go ahead laugh your ass off) the walk uphill made me feel that this is where I am gonna die and be buried. Anyways finally we reached the top and my heart was screaming with ecstasy which even Tenzing and Hillary didn't feel after those 8848 mts but I didn't get no panoramic view like those two lucky mountain goats Instead we were standing in the middle of a piece of land which had nothing but weeds and bushes all over. Now I know this is what real estate business is all about and I wasn't expecting Wonder La but the way dad and that dude was admiring the piece of land it made me wonder if the entire Bachchan clan was having some sort of party over there and it was by some hocus pocus totally invisible to my eyes. After gawking at that magical piece of land for a while we begun our trek down and I swear my bro's Tata Safari has never ever looked so beautiful and inviting to me.
Now Mr. Ass Monkey decided that he had to test drive the new Tata Safari Dicor 2.2 and there was no better place to do it then our very own Gujarati Grand Canyon. I swear I have never seen somebody kill (I wanted to use the "R" word) a car the way this dude was at it. Those few kilometers felt like forever and I was actually talking to the lord almighty promising him that I'll never ever say it again that Ajay is a rash driver. Now from the mountains to the valleys (No no I am not trying to sing Safri Duo's "All the People") he took us to his second property which was situated some 12.5 kilometers away. Evidently even dad was pretty tired and he tried to ask him whether this property would have a similar trek as our lusty land and when the guy said no we can drive right up to it I blessed him and started singing to the glory of the lord but I guess I just wasted a good amount of blessings and hymns because as I was locking the car he said we have to trek down the valley. Now those of you oompah loompahs who have heard me talk know how much I love my mother tongue Punjabi especially when I have to describe people, using adjectives which are banned to be used in public and believe me I exhausted all my stock on this roody poo in my mind and even invented some new ones right there and then.
After trekking for a while we were standing on the edge of a cliff which made me feel like Simba standing on the pride rock with Mufasa (Hell my dad is more majestic than him) showing him his kingdom consisting of everything that the light touches. As soon as we trekked back I virtually jumped into the driver's seat of the car so that I don't have to endure another essel world roller coaster. The funny thing was that as soon as we got out of the car dad whispered in my ear "Vaapas jaate waqt tu gaadi chalana" so it simply confirmed my admiration for dude's driving skills. While driving back the fuel meter was stuck so hard to "Empty" I was like okay now this is what I exactly needed but thankfully we barely made it to the nearest fuel pump (14 freaking kilometers of sheer fear & suspense!!!) After refuelling dad wanted to check out a project nearby which is called Alloa hills (I know I know Hawaiians spell it as Aloha but they can shove it up their candy asses) An interesting snippet on the way; As we were driving to this resort our good friend Mr. I am too sexy for my gogs decided to flaunt his linguistic skills and tells dad "Aloha" means hello in French. Now I had been quiet most of the morning taking in virtually everything but this is where my insides started to tear me apart and I had to say it, its not from France holmes, its from Hawaii. Okay the resort was pretty cool and I also got to see a 9 hole golf course on my first day at work.
Now as we were driving back I thought okay I had enough excitement on my first day at work but hell I was so wrong again. On the last curve near the highway we saw a santro, which had clearly skidded off the road while making the sharp bend and we figured that this has to be happened in last 5 minutes coz we didn't see it earlier. We stopped and tried to make sure that the occupants were safe and thankfully our "She's my fiancee but please don't tell our parents lovebirds" were safe and sound. They both were pretty much shaken and Mr. She's My Fiancee even locked the keys inside the car (Great work junior!!!)
Okay its difficult for me to write this paragraph and I almost didn't but I guess I wouldn't be true to myself if I don't. Now I was feeling pretty good that god had blessed me with the opportunity to save these two people but I was brutally shaken out of it. As we were entering Gandhinagar to meet some gentleman I saw a bunch of monkeys running across the road and before I could pull the brakes the inevitable happened and I could do nothing but just feel like an asshole for doing it. I know I tried to pacify myself that "Rock, there was no way you could have braked and if you would have tried to brake you would have skidded or turned the car over" but I don't buy that self piteous piece of crap for a single minute. The fact of the matter remains that I killed a life and I guess I'll have to live with it forever. I know it doesn't matter but I am sorry... I really am.
After that we drove to a gentleman's place where I got to see two of the most beautiful jeeps I have come across. One was an original wrangler and the other was a ford. Both the jeeps were superbly maintained and were simply amazing. This is where we said goodbye to our Mr. Ass Monkey, Mr. She is my Fiancee & Ms. But please don't tell our families and headed back to Ahmedabad. Finally before I came home I even saw a Stretch Limousine.
So my little grasshoppers, if you have read this far you might have seen that I had quite an eventful first day at work and it indeed deserved a place in my blog. Hope you had fun reading and if not I am sure you would not be reading this line. Looking forward towards your comments... Keep Rocking!!!
Unless you have been living under a rock or zonked into some parallel universe you must know by now that yours truly has finished his MBA and today I started working with dad learning his real estate business. He told me last night that today early morning we are to leave for Mahudi and like a baboon in a banana field I was up and jumping at 6.30. We were supposed to leave at 7 with this guy who was gonna show us some property dad is probably interested in buying and I had no intentions of being late on the first day at work. Anyways this ass clown decides to come by at 8.30, me counting all the while how much more I could have slept considering the fact that I slept at around 4 in the morning.
So my first day at work begin with some serious kick ass tyt shyt offroading... Yes!!! Don't scroll up and down and don't think that you are reading some other post because even I was surprised. Now I knew that the property was a little outside Ahmedabad in some nonchalant village but when dad specifically told me yesterday "Take out the Safari" I had no idea what he meant but I am so glad that I did. As soon as we turned in from the main road it was mayhem. Not only were there no roads but there was sand over. Hell I was driving in a freaking river basin with hillocks up and down. Believe me, for a minute I flashed back to my Dubai Desert Safari the way the poor SUV was sliding all over the place. Anyways finally the dude who joined us told me to stop literally in the middle of nowhere and park under a tree who itself didn't have any freaking idea what it was doing there standing all alone.
There was an empty expanse of land and I was like okay that's it but no Mr. "I am too sexy for my goggles" had some other idea. He decided okay Rocky boy let me welcome you to the business world with a little trek of our own and we begin walking up a hill with a winding trail reminding me of a Louis Lamor book I had read long back. Now being in the top physical shape that I am (Yeah yeah go ahead laugh your ass off) the walk uphill made me feel that this is where I am gonna die and be buried. Anyways finally we reached the top and my heart was screaming with ecstasy which even Tenzing and Hillary didn't feel after those 8848 mts but I didn't get no panoramic view like those two lucky mountain goats Instead we were standing in the middle of a piece of land which had nothing but weeds and bushes all over. Now I know this is what real estate business is all about and I wasn't expecting Wonder La but the way dad and that dude was admiring the piece of land it made me wonder if the entire Bachchan clan was having some sort of party over there and it was by some hocus pocus totally invisible to my eyes. After gawking at that magical piece of land for a while we begun our trek down and I swear my bro's Tata Safari has never ever looked so beautiful and inviting to me.
Now Mr. Ass Monkey decided that he had to test drive the new Tata Safari Dicor 2.2 and there was no better place to do it then our very own Gujarati Grand Canyon. I swear I have never seen somebody kill (I wanted to use the "R" word) a car the way this dude was at it. Those few kilometers felt like forever and I was actually talking to the lord almighty promising him that I'll never ever say it again that Ajay is a rash driver. Now from the mountains to the valleys (No no I am not trying to sing Safri Duo's "All the People") he took us to his second property which was situated some 12.5 kilometers away. Evidently even dad was pretty tired and he tried to ask him whether this property would have a similar trek as our lusty land and when the guy said no we can drive right up to it I blessed him and started singing to the glory of the lord but I guess I just wasted a good amount of blessings and hymns because as I was locking the car he said we have to trek down the valley. Now those of you oompah loompahs who have heard me talk know how much I love my mother tongue Punjabi especially when I have to describe people, using adjectives which are banned to be used in public and believe me I exhausted all my stock on this roody poo in my mind and even invented some new ones right there and then.
After trekking for a while we were standing on the edge of a cliff which made me feel like Simba standing on the pride rock with Mufasa (Hell my dad is more majestic than him) showing him his kingdom consisting of everything that the light touches. As soon as we trekked back I virtually jumped into the driver's seat of the car so that I don't have to endure another essel world roller coaster. The funny thing was that as soon as we got out of the car dad whispered in my ear "Vaapas jaate waqt tu gaadi chalana" so it simply confirmed my admiration for dude's driving skills. While driving back the fuel meter was stuck so hard to "Empty" I was like okay now this is what I exactly needed but thankfully we barely made it to the nearest fuel pump (14 freaking kilometers of sheer fear & suspense!!!) After refuelling dad wanted to check out a project nearby which is called Alloa hills (I know I know Hawaiians spell it as Aloha but they can shove it up their candy asses) An interesting snippet on the way; As we were driving to this resort our good friend Mr. I am too sexy for my gogs decided to flaunt his linguistic skills and tells dad "Aloha" means hello in French. Now I had been quiet most of the morning taking in virtually everything but this is where my insides started to tear me apart and I had to say it, its not from France holmes, its from Hawaii. Okay the resort was pretty cool and I also got to see a 9 hole golf course on my first day at work.
Now as we were driving back I thought okay I had enough excitement on my first day at work but hell I was so wrong again. On the last curve near the highway we saw a santro, which had clearly skidded off the road while making the sharp bend and we figured that this has to be happened in last 5 minutes coz we didn't see it earlier. We stopped and tried to make sure that the occupants were safe and thankfully our "She's my fiancee but please don't tell our parents lovebirds" were safe and sound. They both were pretty much shaken and Mr. She's My Fiancee even locked the keys inside the car (Great work junior!!!)
Okay its difficult for me to write this paragraph and I almost didn't but I guess I wouldn't be true to myself if I don't. Now I was feeling pretty good that god had blessed me with the opportunity to save these two people but I was brutally shaken out of it. As we were entering Gandhinagar to meet some gentleman I saw a bunch of monkeys running across the road and before I could pull the brakes the inevitable happened and I could do nothing but just feel like an asshole for doing it. I know I tried to pacify myself that "Rock, there was no way you could have braked and if you would have tried to brake you would have skidded or turned the car over" but I don't buy that self piteous piece of crap for a single minute. The fact of the matter remains that I killed a life and I guess I'll have to live with it forever. I know it doesn't matter but I am sorry... I really am.
After that we drove to a gentleman's place where I got to see two of the most beautiful jeeps I have come across. One was an original wrangler and the other was a ford. Both the jeeps were superbly maintained and were simply amazing. This is where we said goodbye to our Mr. Ass Monkey, Mr. She is my Fiancee & Ms. But please don't tell our families and headed back to Ahmedabad. Finally before I came home I even saw a Stretch Limousine.
So my little grasshoppers, if you have read this far you might have seen that I had quite an eventful first day at work and it indeed deserved a place in my blog. Hope you had fun reading and if not I am sure you would not be reading this line. Looking forward towards your comments... Keep Rocking!!!
posted by Anuj Sharma at 8:20 PM
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